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Old 12-17-2015, 02:22 PM   #1081
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Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat
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Old 12-17-2015, 03:54 PM   #1082
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He who mistrusts most should be trusted least.
- Theognis
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Old 12-17-2015, 04:13 PM   #1083
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Wilfred had just learned his ABCs and was very scared of reciting them in front of his class. He stood in front of the class trembling and began.
"A B C D E F G H I J L K M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z."
His teacher said, "Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?
He replied, "It's running down my leg."
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Old 12-17-2015, 04:31 PM   #1084
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Old 12-17-2015, 06:41 PM   #1085
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Old 12-17-2015, 07:58 PM   #1086
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What do you call a guy with a small dick?

Just-in!
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Old 12-18-2015, 03:44 AM   #1087
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Old 12-18-2015, 04:45 AM   #1088
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Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
- Sun Tzu
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Old 12-18-2015, 05:37 AM   #1089
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Political trial......



At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"


The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.


"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated loudly.


The witness still did not respond.


Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."


"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
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Old 12-18-2015, 06:00 AM   #1090
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What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians?
One hundred people who don't do dick
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Old 12-18-2015, 06:15 AM   #1091
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What do you call a guy with a giant dick?

Phil!
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Old 12-18-2015, 06:56 AM   #1092
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Old 12-18-2015, 07:16 AM   #1093
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3 Computer guys

3 guys were riding in a car: a hardware technician, a systems analyst, and a programmer. The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes have failed and the car is accelerating out of control.

So, the driver pumps the emergency brake, downshifts the gears, and rubs the wheels' rims against the curb. He finally wrestles the car to a stop. The three climb out and assess the situation.

Hardware tech: "Let's try and fix it. I'll crawl under the car and take a look. "

Systems analyst: "No. I think we should get someone qualified to fix it, a specialist in brakes."

Programmer: "Why don't we just get back in and see if it happens again?"
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Remember, Christmas isn't about how big the tree is, or what's under it. It's about who's around it

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Thanks To HOBOTV For Donating This Great Box...

Thanks To FTACONCEPT For Presenting This Contest

Good Luck To One And All
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Old 12-18-2015, 09:11 AM   #1094
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A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.
A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!" Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful," it was "cute." She asked, "What happened to 'beautiful'?" His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"
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Old 12-18-2015, 09:20 AM   #1095
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Old 12-18-2015, 09:21 AM   #1096
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Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat
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Old 12-18-2015, 09:34 AM   #1097
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"If you have an important point to make,
don't try to be subtle or clever.
Use a pile driver. Hit the point once.
Then come back and hit it again.
Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack."
-- Winston Churchill --
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Old 12-18-2015, 10:06 AM   #1098
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Merry Christmas...
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File Type: jpg 6909210-winter-lake-pictures.jpg (107.3 KB)
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Old 12-18-2015, 10:40 AM   #1099
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Old 12-18-2015, 11:05 AM   #1100
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If winter comes, can spring be far behind?
- Percy Bysshe Shelley
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